The Technition
by Queen O' Randomness
Summary: [Santa Clause] “Santa, welcome to the south pole. You said it was urgent we meet?” BernardxOC fic. Can't think of another title, tell me what you think it should be.
1. Chapter 1

A hooded figure was standing by a red an white striped pole. Three other figures walked up to the first one. By pressing a special hidden button on the pole, a keypad had swung out. After punching in the pass code, a spiraling stairway emerged beneath the white snow. The four made their way down the stair case to a magnificent golden hallway. The first hooded figure flipped of his hood to reveal a somewhat youthful face and pointed ears.

"Santa, welcome to the south pole. You said it was urgent we meet?" He said in a disgusting nasally voice. The south pole elf looked to be about fifteen years of human age. While north pole elf's looked to be ten at the oldest, south pole usually looked to be eleven to sixteen old in human years.

"Yes, we do have to talk. But first, this is my head elf, Bernard, and the keeper of the Santa Handbook, Curtis. Curtis, Bernard, this is the person who runs the south pole, Quincy." Quincy's beady eyes looked over Curtis and Bernard, saying on the latter longer than the former.

"You are a south pole elf?" It was said as a question, but meant as a statement.

"My parents were both south pole elf's but I was born and raised in the north pole." Quincy nodded, but seemed a bit skeptical. Quincy started to direct them to a conference type room. All took a seat around the table, with Quincy at the head. Santa's voice spoke out.

"Were having a bit of a technical problem at the north pole. If you wouldn't mind, can we take one of your technical elfs to fix everything up north?" Quincy pondered the question before asking one of his own.

"Permanently or temporarily?"

"Permanently, but temporarily if you wish." responded Santa. South pole elfs were some of the best technicians. Also he didn't what to upset Quincy. If he did that Quincy wouldn't hesitate to say no.

"You can have her permanently if you wish."

"Excuse me sir, but, her?" Quincy looked at Curtis who had asked the question.

"You heard me right. Her. I have someone in mind for the job."

"When can we meet her?" Asked Santa, eager to get out of Quincy's presents. Quincy's mouth twisted in to a smirk. Picking up the phone he pressed the button that read 'kitchen'

In the kitchen a elf named Roxanne was stirring some soup and conversing with other elfs in the kitchen when the phone rang. She glanced at the I.D.

"Damn, its Quincy! Now I can't say 'Roxy the elf, what's your favorite color? The other elfs in the kitchen snickered. Roxanne had a cousin who lived the human world. Every once in a while he sent her a movie or a CD that either he liked or that he thought she would like.

"Hello you've reached the kitchens, this is Roxanne speaking." she said with fake cheerfulness.

"Roxanne, I need you to come to the conference room, immediately." Quincy's nasally voice came from the other line.

"Yes sir, I'll be right there." Roxanne hung up the phone before saying "Gotta go see the dictator." Roxanne made her voice low and scary sounding when she said the last two words.

"Great what did you do this time?" An elf called out.

"Ha, ha." said Roxanne, not really meaning it.

Roxanne stopped in front of two mahogany doors. She took a deep breath before knocking on the doors and calling out,

"Sir, it's Roxanne." She was answered by a curt 'come in'. Roxanne pushed open the doors to reveal Quincy sitting at the table accompanied by a man with a white beard and two elfs. One with dark hair and the other with light hair.

"Sit." Commanded Quincy. Roxanne sat in one of the empty chairs. She felt four pairs of eyes on her. Two in curiosity, one in kindness and one in a stare. She resisted the urge to squirm in discomfort. She avoided each gaze.

"Roxanne," Quincy said in a tone that was meant to be reassuring, but from him, Roxanne wanted to throw up, "The north pole needs a technician, would you be willing to go?" Roxanne's gaze snapped up to Quincy's face.

"Yes!" Roxanne responded.

"Good, you will leave tomorrow. Santa, do you need a place to stay for the night?" Santa politely declined (saying he needed to prepare for when Charlie gets there) but said that Curtis and Bernard would stay for the night, then would escort Roxanne to the north pole the following morning.

"Is the room a crossed from yours open, Roxanne?" Asked Quincy. Roxanne answered in a cold tone.

"Yes, It's been open ever since Jack…"She was cut off.

"Well show these two gentlelfs there room for the night." Roxanne spun around on her heel, walking out of the room with Bernard and Curtis following her.

"Whose Charlie?"

"He's Santa's…" Curtis was cut off by Bernard.

"None of your business." He said curtly.

"She'll find out sooner or.." Once again Curtis was cut off by Bernard.

"Whose Jack?"

"None of your business." Roxanne replied saucily. Before Bernard could reply a girl with long shiny black hair and blue eyes ran up to them. She could have been Roxanne's twin except Roxanne had mint green eyes and looked a bit older.

"What happened? Did that bastard get you in trouble? And are we having our poker night tonight?" She said that all in one breath and very fast.

"Yes to the third, no to the second and don't call him that?" Said Roxanne, used to the female elfs fast talking.

"You call him that all the time. So much that you should make him a sign that says 'bastard' on the front!"

"I did make him that," Roxanne said absent mindedly "Except it was a shirt. Never got around to sending it, though." Roxanne stopped in front of a door and pulled out a key, then unlocked the door. She gestured for the male elfs to walk inside then followed after biding her friend goodbye.

"Here's your room."

"Um…Roxanne.." Curtis said.

"Roxy." She corrected.

"Sorry ,Roxy, there's only one bed."

"I know. One of you guys gets to sleep with me." She said with a straight face. Both males blinded and looked at her with blank expressions.

"Kidding!" Roxy said walking over to a couch. She threw off the bottom pillows before pulling out the bed.

"There you go. Your both welcome to come to poker night, by the way. Usually it's only Molly, my friend who you saw, John, and I. But it would be fun with more people."

"I'm sorry, we can't. We've got work to do." Bernard said. Roxy looked disappointed.

"Don't listen to him. We'll be there." Said Curtis. Roxy brightened up.

"See ya there Curtis, Grouch."

"My name is Bernard!" He yelled at a departing Roxy. Scowling at the comment. Curtis just laughed.

"Fine, but don't be such a _grouch_ about it." Roxy responded before she left. Bernard turned to Curtis once she left and glared at him.

"Ah ,come one, Bernard, don't be such a_ grouch_." Curtis said while smiling mischievously.

**This is the start for the Christmas fic I'm writing. So, what did you think about it? Press that little purple button and tell me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own anything and decided to update! Thank you to everyone who reviewed. **

Roxy, Molly, Bernard and Curtis were all sitting in Roxy's room, waiting for John to show up. Their friend had medium brown hair and dark brown eyes. He looked to be about fourteen.

"Where is he?" Said Molly, exasperated.

"Getting food, where else?" Roxy said in the same tone.

"You know, one of these days he is going to get really big." An image of a John with a weigh problem dragging his fat ass a crossed her room popped into Roxy's mind. She started too laughed uncontrollably.

"You could just picture it, couldn't you?" A smiling Molly said. Roxy didn't reply. She was to busy clutching her sides. After both Molly and Roxy had calmed down John walked through the door. His arms were loaded with sweets and soda pop.

"Hey, what are ya'll talking about." Ever since John had seen one of Roxy's western films (or Night at the Museum, more specifically Jedediah) he had taken to saying ya'll.

"You." Answered Roxy truthfully.

"I know, in a Speedo, right." John joked as he ran a hand through his messy brown hair. Roxy suddenly had an image of a hugely fat John dragging his fat ass a crossed her room wearing a Speedo. She was torn between laughing and being in disgust. Roxy tried to keep her laughter in but with one look at Molly, who was doing the same thing as her, both girls burst out laughing. Curtis also laughed. Bernard, chuckled, although he really wanted to laugh. He had a reputation to maintain. If he laughed, he could only image Roxy saying "But he laughed at the South Pole…."

"Vat game shall ve play first." Roxy said, stroking an imaginary beard. "Any preference?" She asked Bernard and Curtis her normal voice.

"Well…" Began Curtis.

"We don't know how to play cards." Finished Bernard flatly. Roxy, Molly and John all had expressions of freight horror.

"Well then," John stated simply "You'll just have to learn." Curtis and Bernard learned how to play poker, hearts, B.S, and Texas hold-'em. After awhile Roxy glanced at the clock.

"Its 12:15!" exclaimed Roxy "You people need some sleep!"

Hello, my name is Molly. I'll be your translator this evening. 'You people need some sleep' is Roxy speak for 'get the hell out of my room'." Molly had put n a robotic when she said this. Roxy flushed slightly. Bernard looked around at all the boxes in Roxy's room.

"How are you going to fit all this onto a reindeers back?" He asked a bit skeptically.

"Simple." She said. With a small have of her hand the boxes shrunk to mini size then floated in to a small bag Roxy had.

"Is this size good enough for traveling. " Curtis and Bernard looked dumb founded. John and Molly looked bored.

"How, in the name of Christmas, did you do that!"

"It's basic South Pole magic. Doesn't the North have magic?" Molly said, answering for Roxy.

"Yes. But not like that." Curtis exclaimed.

"Of course its not. North Pole magic deals with different stuff than the South. Roxy looked at Bernard curiously. "You said your parents were South Pole elfs." Bernard looked at Roxy with a confused expression, but nodded. "Then your North Pole magic must be weaker than everybody else's." Bernard flushed, but seemed to get what Roxy was saying.

"Are you saying that if I did South Pole magic, it would be as good as anybody else's?"

"I think so." Roxy had an idea.

"I'll teach you South Pole magic, if you teach me North Pole magic." Bernard considered this, then nodded.

"All right" Roxy clapped in hands together. "Now that that's settled, I'm tired G'night." Roxy hugged Molly and kissed Bernard, Curtis and John on the cheek before closing the door.

"Does she always do that cheek thing?" John turned to Bernard.

"Yes." Curtis and John began to walk towards their rooms. Bernard touched his cheek were Roxy had kissed him. He smiled a soft smile before rushing after Curtis and John.

Oh, you're joking, right?" Bernard threw an amused look at Roxy.

" No. Were actually taking reindeer." Roxy had already said good-bye to everyone and had received many good bye presents. The only person she was actually happy to leave was Quincy.

"There's only two." Bernard rolled his eyes and mounted a reindeer. Curtis was already on a smaller one.

"Behind me." Roxy causisaly approached the reindeer, Dancer, as the collar stated. Bernard offered her a hand, which she gratefully accepted, and pulled her up behind him. Before Roxy had a chance to get settled Dancer and the other reindeer charged and took flight, Roxy threw her arms around Bernard's waist **(I so wish that was me)** tightly. Bernard winced.

"What do you think you are my corset?"

"No, I'm a extremely tight belt. Besides, I didn't even know you wore a corset, they went out of style ages ago." Roxy said as innocently as possible. Bernard humped.

"Jack is my cousin. He lives in the human world. Who's Charlie?" Roxy's warm breath tickled Bernard's ear.

"Santa'sson." Curtis supplied the answer before Bernard could.

"I was going to tell her."

"Was not."

"Was to."

"Was not." Roxy sighed. It was going to be a long trip.

After countless hours to Roxy (in reality two), the three elves came a crossed the North Pole. Santa was accompanied by a human boy who looked about twelve **(A.N 1)** and a female elf who looked about Charlie's age.

"I'm glad to see you all have made it back OK. This is my son Charlie ("Toldja she would find out." Curtis whispered to Bernard.) and this is Judy. She'll be showing you to your room." Santa said, beaming at the elves. Roxy smiled and Judy, feeling like she belonged at the North Pole.

**A.N 1- The story is between the first and second Santa Clause movies. **

**Well, I updated again. But I'm brain dead for chapters after this, anybody have any ideas?**


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